I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
