Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
