Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
