I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
