We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
