Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
