as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
