I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
