I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
