I got chris browned last night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
