Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
