plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
