We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
