Someone shit on the floor
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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