um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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