I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The feeling are messing with the penis
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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