I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
