mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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