Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
