tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
