allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
