We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want nice things and good sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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