im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
