We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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