where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
