I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
