it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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