he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
