New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
