scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
