she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
