Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
