I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
