If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
