Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
