My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cut my penus on the lid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
