Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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