If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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