I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
