I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
