dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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