I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
