nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
