i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
