If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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