I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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