i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
