Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
