he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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