Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
