So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
